Because I love her so much and see her so infrequently and feel intimidated by the incredible self-portraits she makes and intimidated by the amazing portraits she has taken of me and because she is intuitive without being analytic (something I could learn!) and because our days pass too quickly when we're together (which doesn't happen often for me) and because one of us has a cold or is crying or is yelling at someone on a static-filled phone line, and because we stave off sleep in lieu of wrestling boys in the grass, because her kindness outweighs her beauty, her talent outweighs her beauty, her beauty even outdoes itself, because I try too hard --
I cannot shoot a photo of her that I like.
And forget about a photo I love. And love later. And love later and the next later and the next later.
But tonight... maybe...
Blame it on the wedding cake in the shape of an alligator that bled when cut.
Or blame the two kids with whom I spent most of night (how do I always end up chilling with the three-year-olds?)
Blame the snapdragons, hydrangea, French tulips and miniature white calla lilies polka-dotting my house.
Or the German chocolate I ate while typing this. Or the Aperol I sip my from sister's Christmas glass.
Blame the other beautiful, carefree faces sleeping right now in my house that is surrounded by a fifty-five degree chill.
Blame the hundreds of photos on my desktop that I cannot force myself to look at larger than dimesize.
Blame Jose James beatboxing in the background or James Blake breathing against the microphone.
I'm sleepy, and I've run out of excuses. Blame my fingers that keep transposing letters, ending with odd punctuation.
Blame time which keeps lengthening just for me to decide to end this, somehow, like now.
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